DFU Hockey Rookies Pull Through - Veteran Stars Also Shine - Butterly Not Seen

By Joshua Kernoff, DFU Hockey Blog's Chief Correspondent

DFU Hockey played an epic season opener.... a true rudy-hoosiers-rocky-mystery, alaska-baseketball sports thriller that was so dramatic stephen speilberg couldn't have orchestrated a more heart renching and exciting story...

In the opener vs. the "Handlers", the DFU players indeed "handled their opponents".... unfortunately the handlers also handled the dfu players. in fact they "handled" us 600% more than we did them.

but nonetheless.....

Veteran Goalie Kade Olsen, playing in what some have rumored...although this can neither be verified nor denied... may be his final goalie performance....shined brilliantly in the openning minutes, stopping the "handlers" barricade of shots at the speed of light....

Soon his "wall like" defense was buttressed by the efforts of returning defensewomen, "the destroyer" kathryn clark and "the other destroyer who falls a little bit more but can also kill opponents but kicking them in the balls...and also think about how much more it would hurt if she did that with skates on" caroline harkins.... who managed to both take out multiple "handler players"... kathryn hit the player in the white shirt so senseless he lost his pads, stick, and a few teeth, while caroline leveled multiple "handlers" into the boards

veteran shane, who with harkins, showed up dramatically to the game at the last minute after returning from a successful debate performance at Berkeley, also put up a solid defense, managing to stand up for the majority of the game and execute multiple break away passes to the offense...

weak-ankles-turner exhibited massive improvement both in skating, passing, and general move-a-bility (particularly in light of his infamous backwards-spiral-triple-axle

-fall)...he made a debut in the offensive zone, making a geourgious zinging pass across the zone right to rookie david maineiro who also caught the puck and did something with it. weak-ankles-turner, the teams delegated grouch-and-complainer-about-the-other-teams-cocky-players-in-general-person noted that today's competition was suprisingly kind, in general delightful, and not assholes (despite some cheap shots at us, that ultimately cost THEM a goal...)

Rookie david maineiro showed great promise, spending a great deal of time (particularly by DFU hockey standards) in the offensive zone, making multiple passes, a few shots, and genearlly putting intense intense pressure on the other teams goalie, despite never seeming to manage to grasp the concept of "offsides" (or maybe he grasped it too well, realizing that when your down by 10 you can get away with anything)

Ultimately, DFU Hockey managed to pull together to put up quite a few good shots on goal, and two actual goals, to make the game 12-2, nearly achieving the team goal of not losing by double digits. However, if scores were counted in penalty-shot-gaols-scored, DFU would've won 1-0, with the refs buying a brilliant taking-of-a-fall resulting in a penalty shot... deeking the goalie and putting the puck in the right-hand-roof of the next.

Fans/Documentarians/Hecklers/Coaches Charles, Tim, and Scott provided great loyal fan-ery, documentary material, heckling, and coaching...I believe there is some good footage of bueatiful embarrassing falls on behalf of every team member, and a few glrious plays....

oh yeah and cyrus showed up late and didn't play. lame.